The Invisible Victim: Why Society is "Sleepwalking" Through the Abuse of Boys
We live in a society that right now believes to be getting "awake" to the horrors of human trafficking, especially in the wake of the Jeffrey Epstein scandal. We analyse the flight logs and the high-profile associates, yet a massive, dark shadow remains over the conversation. While the media focuses—rightfully—on the exploitation of young girls, there is a collective, almost hypnotic silence regarding the boys who were, and are, part of these same circles.
This isn't just a "high-level" problem. From the elite pedophile rings in the Netherlands and Belgium to the systemic cover-ups within the Catholic Church, the blueprint of abuse has remained the same for decades. But the most uncomfortable truth is that the danger isn't just "out there"—it is often right in front of us.
While organized crime is far more widespread than the public realizes, the greatest threat often comes from those with "trusted" access. We must look at the data: sexual abuse is frequently perpetrated by family members, teachers, coaches, and mentors. These are the people who use their social standing as a shield, betting that society will choose to protect the "reputable" adult over the "confused" child.
The silence surrounding male victims is built into the way we view power. In our "sick society," sexual violence against men and boys is rarely about desire—it is a weapon of absolute humiliation.
By using sexual assault as a tool for dominance, predators seek to "break" the victim. Because we equate being a "man" with strength, a male victim is often viewed through a lens of shame. Survivors carry a double burden: the trauma of the assault and the fear that by speaking out, they will be seen as "weak," which they worry might only attract further predators.
One of the reasons men take so long to recognise their abuse is the sophisticated manipulation and grooming involved. Predators are experts at "hoovering" victims in, using phrases like:
- "You're more mature than the others."
- "Other people wouldn't understand what we have."
- "This is our secret because we are different."
This is especially insidious when the predator is an adult woman. In these cases, society often reinforces the abuse by telling boys they "should want this" or that they are "lucky" to be having a sexual experience. This is a lie. It is not an equal transaction. It is a predator using their power to overwrite a child's boundaries.
In my own life, I have several times had to sensitively help men reframe their past. I've had to hold up a mirror to the reality that what they experienced—even if they were told it was "good"—was, in fact, manipulated sexual abuse.
From the Benelux to the US
Years ago, I attended a talk given by Anneke Lucas, a survivor who was sold by her own mother into an international pedophile ring at the age of six. Her testimony was a visceral awakening. She described being trafficked internationally, even to the US, serving a network of "untouchable" elites.
One of the most haunting things she shared was about the boys. While she managed to survive, she noted that most of the trafficked boys did not make it out alive. In these rings, boys are viewed as disposable.
Data:
- Underreporting: Men are significantly less likely to report abuse than women.
- The Reporting Gap: On average, it takes a man 20 years to speak about his abuse for the first time.
- Fatal Outcomes: As Anneke Lucas pointed out, the mortality rate for boys in these rings is often higher because they are used in high-dominance scenarios.
We are a society that prefers the comfort of "sleepwalking" to the horror of the truth. We say "not all men" to distance ourselves from predators, yet we remain silent when those same predators destroy the lives of young men and boys (not only women).
We need to change, and we need to do it quickly.